I feel a little weird and a little apprehensive about posting this week's BFTP picture. Ok, truth be told, I feel VERY weird and more than a little apprehensive to be posting it. But I am going to do it anyway. Sometimes it is a good thing to go outside your comfort level.
It's not exactly the best quality picture of me (I am in a bowling alley and had no idea my picture was being taken by Kevin) but there's a story behind it so I am posting it anyway.
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So what's the story? This picture was taken back in August of 1996, at the age of 20, the summer that I finally got to meet Kevin in person, after a year of knowing one another, falling in love, and becoming best friends.
This was also the summer that I lost about 60 pounds in a very short period of time. I was hardly eating at all, not starving myself just not eating all that I should have, and exercising like a crazy person. At the time, it felt great but looking back now I realize I wasn't doing it 100% the healthy way. I wasn't eating enough and I was exercising too much. I did keep the weight off for a long time, which is surprising considering how quick I lost it.
At the time I had that picture taken I knew I had lost weight and I knew I was "thin" but I seriously had NO IDEA just how thin and toned I was. I had no clue my legs were that thin and muscular. My mind told me I was still fat. I was about a size 6 and at almost 5'9" that is on the thin side. It's amazing how much our mind and our body image can affect us. Like I said I had no clue I was that thin or toned until I saw this picture for the first time. I didn't even realize it was me. In my mind, I was still trying to cope with the fact that I really did just lose 60 pounds. I think sometimes because it was still so new to me, I thought I was 60 pounds heavier than I actually was.
This picture was the LAST time that I lost weight the unhealthy way. I am no longer 20 and lord knows I know a hell of a lot better at 30.
We ALL have our "skinny pictures" and we ALL from time to time have messed up body images of ourselves. It's just something you have to learn and grow through at your own pace. Thankfully, I have learned a lot and grown a lot since the ripe old age of 20.
Even though I weigh more these days, not to mention the fact that I am pregnant, I have never been MORE confident or MORE sure in my body, in my mind, OR in my life than I am right now.
I could go on and on about this picture, like I said in the beginning of this post, there's a story behind this picture and that is why I chose to post it. It may not be the best picture I have from my skinny years but it does really take me back and make me think.
That my friends is a good thing.